Free Fallin’

So last week, while I was having a lull in the middle of what seems like an endless phantom pain battle, I fell.

Down.

To the ground.

OFF A RAMP.

dramatic re-enactment of me falling OFF A RAMP

Yes folks, I ate pavement.

I had just returned home from a kid drop off, and instead taking the long way around, I decided to use the ramp to the front door. I’ve done it before, many times, usually with someone nearby in case something went wrong. On this particular day not only was I alone, but I completely forgot that that morning I’d done a hardcore leg workout! I was sore and weak; not the best situation for a one legged chick climbing up a ramp. I was like a drunk girl in a self-help seminar trust exercise: on the floor.

At first I was in a state a shock. Then I panicked. Then, within seconds, survival mode kicked in. I assessed for injuries, located my phone and walker and then began the long zombie crawl back to my car so I could lift myself to try again. I did have a good laugh at the fact that if the neighbors’ kids had looked out the window at that moment they probably would have gotten the crap scared out of them.

All in all it wasn’t a bad thing, it forced me to face my fear of falling and it allowed me to start prepping for being able to do things on my own. Sooner or later I will be home alone, or out and about, living a normal life and I may find myself coming face to face with the pavement. At least now I know I can zombie crawl to the nearest stable object, dust myself off and resume normal business, and in the process give a few people a good laugh.

Let’s face it, we all fall down at some point, literally and figuratively. It never gets easier, but we either roll around, moaning and crying or we laugh it off, because it’s really fucking funny when someone busts their ass (you know you’ve laughed at someone else’s faceplant).

If you don’t start looking at some of the heavier things in life with a bit of humor they will definitely weigh you down. I’m going through tons of ups and downs, delays and setbacks; if I didn’t laugh about them all I would have poked my own eyes out with a fork by now.

It is because of my ability to laugh at these things that I am able to hang on to the hope that in four short weeks I will be getting my first socket casting!

So here I am finally getting some traction with my wound issue and the phantom pain has gone from severe/permanently blinding to moderate/severe. Any way you slice it, that’s progress! It’s still a long road ahead but at least I have something to look forward to in the very near future.

In the meantime, I am on a mission to be as prepared for my new leg as I can possibly be! I’m working hard at the gym and PT on balance, core strength, and most importantly: confidence!! Simple I know, but getting strong and feeling confident are two of my hardest battles right now.

I have begun to venture out in public more, too. I even did a day out with just me and the kids! I definitely had anxiety; mostly about how they would react. Would they be able to handle taking care of me? Managing a wheelchair? Navigating some very crappy sidewalks? They were amazing, they handled everything with ease, causing my heart to nearly burst. I think the key was we LAUGHED things off. So when we hit a huge gap in the sidewalk and I was nearly hurled from my wheelchair, we just LAUGHED!

Life can be hard, but it doesn’t always have to be serious. So next time you’re about to get hurled out of the wheelchair of life, remember to laugh because, life is short.

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