Inspiration Porn (aka Procrastination Porn)

With exactly 50 days to go before surgery, I am now coming to grips with the fact that I am an MLP: Major League Procrastinator. I had some prep work to get handled before surgery and I’m way behind schedule! I wanted to lose 25lbs and while I’m not exactly where I wanted to be, I’m down 10lbs—go me, at this point something is better than nothing.

I also wanted to work on my strength and my flexibility but without someone holding me accountable I haven’t gotten very far. The goal was to work on upper body strength and be able to do pull-ups and pushups, I can do 30 table pushups – that’s it. Even this very blog has fallen by the wayside. Last week’s rough patch really derailed progress; even though I’m now feeling very upbeat again, my procrastinating is out of control!

Which leads me to why we are here. People have been reaching out and complimenting me on the blog, which I’m always surprised by because I feel like I write like a third grader. Apparently this is not the case thanks to my fantastic editor Chris (Editor’s Note: you’re welcome, now get back to writing and stop using double spaces). People have told me that my posts are inspiring, but here’s the thing: I’m not an inspiration. Let me repeat that. I AM NOT AN INSPIRATION. I have a good story but I am far from inspiring. I look at other people on social media and I think to myself now there is an inspiration. I get lost down the inspiration-porn video rabbit hole on a daily basis (because Major League Procrastinator), which definitely makes me non-inspiring because I’m usually glued to the couch when I’m doing it. (Note: I almost fell down the inspirational porn rabbit hole while typing this very paragraph! Damn Facebook videos!)

I do, however, know that my personal struggle does help some people. I work in a sports recovery center as a massage therapist and health coach, so I see people every day who are struggling with excessive weight or injuries that keep them from doing the things they love. My story helps them; I use it to let them know they are not alone!

Here’s an important thing: I don’t wake up everyday and say “I’m going to be a huge inspiration today!” (because that would make me a crazy person). I just wake up, get ready and head to the office, and try my best to lead by example.

In fact, what my clients don’t realise is they inspire ME everyday to be better. They allow me to see their true struggle and they share their pain and triumphs with me. It is always humbling when people are willing to drop their defenses and truly share where they are at. Most of the time it’s pain and despair, which is heartbreaking, but I can work with that! When we let go of society’s unrealistic ideals of how we are meant to live, we can take the pain and despair and rebuild it into hope and joy! It may be moment by moment as the thought of tomorrow or next week just seems too overwhelming, but if that’s how it is, then that’s how you do it. You take a deep breath and wait for the next second to pass. (I’m going to regret saying this but that little pearl came from my crazy mother – thanks mom.)

So, in the space of one short blog post, I have changed my mind. Today I have decided that if I don’t acknowledge that my story helps to inspire just as much as my clients sharing their raw emotion helps me, then how can I possibly get inspired to succeed at the task at hand? I’m facing having to learn a whole new life: walking will be a challenge, showering will be a challenge, my over active bladder will be a challenge (especially at night—I wear glasses, am already uncoordinated, especially in the dark, and will soon be down a leg)!

artist’s impression of me struggling to make it to the bathroom in the middle of the night in time

(Here is where I will be taking my own advice to just breathe. I have been through leg reconstruction, partial lung removal and the horrifying aftermath of radiation gone wrong. Losing my leg should be a breeze.)

If there is one thing I have learned in the past six years, it’s that non-movement equals slow death. Okay, that may be a bit dramatic, but it is mostly true. I encounter people ever day who suffer from chronic knee pain, debilitating back pain or a combination of every pain because of injury, illness or weight struggles. They say things like “I shouldn’t really be complaining, look at what you have to deal with.” Let me tell you: I made the decision to do this so my body will stop dying. I have lost all my flexibility, pain is a daily occurrence, my cardio has gone to shit (a long walk around a store has me gasping for air) and my muscles are constantly spasming. To be able to move freely and possibly even run again (the end goal if I can stay focused) is a dream I’m willing to hold on to.

artist’s impression of me once I’m bionic

My challenges are not more or less than what you may be enduring. They are just different. So, if sharing this with you inspires you? Great! If it makes you laugh? Even better! If it helps you to start making some progress climbing your own mountain? Then I will consider this whole project a blazing success! Now I’m off to attempt 40 table push-ups, so I think you should stop staring at your computer or phone and get moving!

  1. The To Do List That Almost Didn’t 

    June 8, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    […] a list of things I need to get done before surgery. As I’ve also mentioned, I am an MLP (Major League Procrastinator). So with these two truths in mind: how are things going with only 42 days to […]

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